common mistakes in english

COMMON MISTAKES IN ENGLISH

Good or Well

Good is an adjective and well is an adverb. Many people, including many native speakers, incorrectly use the adjective form good, rather than the adverb well.

Examples:

I did good on the test. INCORRECT! - Correct form: I did well on the test.
She played the game good. INCORRECT! - Correct form: She played the game well.

Use the adjective form good when describing something or someone. In other words, use good when stating how something or someone is.

Examples:

She is a good tennis player.
Tom thinks he is a good listener.

Use the adverb form well when describing how something or someone does something.

Examples:

She did extremely well on the exam.
Our parents think we speak English well.

Everyone vs. Every one

Everyone

Use everyone as a pronoun to mean all the people in a group.

Examples:

Do you think everyone will want to come to the party?
She wants everyone to leave comments on her blog.

Every one

Use every one as a noun to indicate each person.

Examples:

Every one of the students has a question about the grammar.
My boss told every one of the employees himself.

Use everyone as a pronoun to mean all the people in a group.

Examples:

Do you think everyone will want to come to the party?
She wants everyone to leave comments on her blog.

Every one

Use every one as a noun to indicate each person.

Examples:

Every one of the students has a question about the grammar.
My boss told every one of the employees himself.

Double Negatives

When using the negative form of a verb (e.g. He isn't working ..., They aren't going to ...) do not use a negative quantifier such as nobody, nowhere, etc.

Examples:

They aren't going anywhere special. NOT They aren't going nowhere special.
She hasn't spoken to anyone yet. NOT She hasn't spoken to nobody yet.

Enough

Adjective / Adverb + Enough

When enough modifies an adjective or an adverb place enough after the adjective / adverb:

Examples:

Do you think he is strong enough to lift that weight?
I think it's warm enough to take a walk without my jacket.

Enough + Noun

When enough modifies a noun, place enough before the noun:

Examples:

He has enough money to buy a ticket.
She said there were enough participants to begin the study.

Since vs. For with Present Perfect

Since is used with the present perfect to express that something has happened since a point in time.

Examples:

I've lived here since 1999.
She's been working hard since two this afternoon.

For is used with the present perfect to express that something has happened for a period of time.

Examples:

I've worked at this job for 10 years.
Peter's been playing tennis for two hours.

Dear Student:

Thank you for learning English with me.

Enjoy learning English! ^_^

-Enrica

Final Research Paper on coma 101

Interpersonal Communication between Husband and Wife on an Argument
(An Analysis of Genderlect Style and Relational Dialectics)










by Enrica Maria Corazon A. Edralin

COMA 101







Prof. Antonino Salvador S. de Veyra









March, 27, 2008

Interpersonal communication is an art of projecting oneself to another. It conveys a message from the doer to the receiver. It is an art because to have effective communication one needs to be skillful in handling the receiver. However, interpretation of the message is subjective. Its medium can be verbal or nonverbal. Both media of communication are vital in a growing and healthy relationship. Using words to translate one’s emotions, ideas and feelings belong to the verbal communication while nonverbal uses actions to relate with others. In marriage, the husband and wife interact mostly in a casual manner. They are in their unguarded moments interacting with another while talking. The use of words can be a source of conflict between husband and wife. It is hoped that this study can help the married couple enjoy conversing to each other.
Gender has a vital role in verbal communication and must be considered for any relationship.

Below is an example of husband and wife conversing to each other.

WIFE: Salamat na uli ka na! Na-unsa man ka nga dugay ka man na-abot. Unsa
na gud karong
orasa?
HUSBAND: Nag-overtime!
WIFE: Ga-overtime?! Kahibalo ka nga
na-a koy importante na prayer meeting nga tambungan karon dugay-dugay pa jud kag
uli. Naay special guest namo didto.
HUSBAND: Pakan-a usa ko!
WIFE: Ga-agpas lagi ko kay naa special guest sa prayer
meeting. Andam naman nang lamesa. May kan-on ug sud-an.
HUSBAND: Dungan ta ug kaon.
WIFE: Ay! Didto na lang ko
mukaon sa prayer meeting. Mag-una nalang ko kay late na ko.. Naa gud
ko lakton, ikaw na lang diha, wa bitaw na naku dalha ang plato up pagkaon.
HUSBAND: Lingkod dri, naa ko gusto i-sulti sa imo.
WIFE: Unsa man na? Puede pag-uli na lang naku. Maayo pa
ihatod usa ko.

HUSBAND: Daghan na gani problema sa opisina, ipahatud pa jud ta.
WIFE: Ayaw dalha ang trabaho diri sa balay. Ikaw na lang kaon diha. Dili diay ko nimu mahatod? Maayo gali …(interrupted)
HUSBAND: Ayaw nag lakaw! Ubani ko nga mukaon!

The above is conflict between the wife and the husband. Coming home late of a husband saddened the wife. As a result, the wife was angry because her husband had disrupted her schedule. She had looked forward to be with her group. The husband in return, got mad because he had just arrived yet his wife was in a hurry to leave. However, this conflict can be simple when the concerned accept that they are different in gender and can complement each other. The Genderlect Style of Deborah Tannen explains how the husband and wife differ on the manner they communicate.

These are:

Connection and Status.
Men are basically the breadwinner of the family. He is the one whom the wife depends for support in a natural scenario of man-woman relationship. Because of this dependence, man is supposed to be of superior race. Often he seeks for status. The woman being dependent to the man seeks connection. Status and connection are the underlying behavioral drives in man and woman differences.
In the above conflict, the wife wanted so much to attend the prayer meeting, she waited for her husband. She expressed her desire in a sarcastic manner of several questions. The husband is more concerned to be with his wife. He wanted to update his wife with his work and establish his need to be with

Emotion and Rapport.
Men avoid the show of emotions and tangibles are possibly eliminated. These make them weak when they seek for status. They need to have definite and verifiable facts. They regard emotion as indicator of being weak. They resort to emotion when men perceive they are free from ridicule and from further talk. They do not want to be interrupted when they talk. They present themselves to be objective and authoritative or as an expert to be above of others, to be followed.
Women prefer resorts to the use of intensifiers as they describe their feelings, relationships and people. In their quest to be in harmony, to clarify their issues so she can establish rapport and connections, she tends to talk more.
The above scenario on the husband and wife talking, it is clear that the wife has more number of words than the man. She prefers to be with her spiritual group but the husband enforces his status for her to stay.

Private and public.
Women resort to talking to gain rapport and connection with others and they indulge more in private conversation. Individual relationship is curtailed in public speaking, so women may talk less. They may also be overshadowed by men.
In the above conversation, the wife prefers the informal group in a prayer meeting to have social group. Prayer meeting can be a vehicle for more talks, and feelings are outpoured in prayers. The husband prefers to hold on to his table. This could be boring to his wife, but to avoid conflict, the wife must give in to the dominant characteristic of the husband.

Listening and interrupting.
As woman needs to connect, she tries to perceive the message to find connectors, linkages to connect better to others. They will listen to be in accord to the situation of the other. They can sustain their listening skill. They do not interrupt even for a long period of time, where they exhibit careful attention to the speaker. They interrupt when they need to have more information and possibly support the issue.
However, men interrupt to demonstrate status. It is a tool for power play to gain control of the situation. In a business meeting, where men outnumbered the women, the members allow the boss to question, as an ego booster. The members avoid asking questions, for they in turn expose themselves to follow-up questions from the boss.
As shown in the above example, the husband interrupted his wife and insists that she stays is a power play.

Conflict.
As women desire to have rapport, as much as possible conflict has to be avoided. Conflict can disrupt connections and even could reduce them.
But for men, conflict is a tool to short cut in gaining and holding status. A snappy, spur of the moment fight, sharp as it seems quickly give them the higher rank they have on women.
The husband in the above cited situation has maintained his rank. He imposes on his wife to status.
In his book, Men, Women and Relationships: Making peace with the opposite sex, John Gray cited the main biological reason why men and women differ in resolving conflict.

The increase male resistance is related to very important difference between men and women. Women have more corpus callosum in their brains. This is the connective tissue that joins the left and right hemispheres of the brain. Recent discoveries have revealed that because women have more corpus callosum, they are able to access more quickly in more readily different parts of the brain. This makes women more flexible to shift goals in midstream.

Contradiction is formed whenever two tendencies on forces are interdependent (Griffin, 2006). This is explained on the Relational Dialectics theory of Baxter and Montgomery. These are connectedness and separateness, certainty and uncertainty, openness and closeness:

“Connectedness and Separateness.
In a relationship there is a need to balance between connectedness and separateness. You need your space but at the same time you have the urge to want to spend time together and To be with each other, whatever the reasons are to be together can be as rewarding as when one spend time and give space to formulate and recharge one’s competence by being alone. If there is an imbalance in the relationship between oneself and being with another, the relationship will ultimately suffer.
“Certainty and Uncertainty.
Spontaneity is an element present in all relationships. There is a need to have freedom from insecurity. If everything is strictly predictable in a relationship, the parties seemed to lose interest. Although simultaneously there is an element of suspense, there also has to be some predictability otherwise the amount of uncertainty in the relationship surge up to a dangerous level.

“Openness and Closeness
Throughout all relationships, privacy and openness is like on a wheel. Openness assures the other party to feel involved. It also give security to the other that uncertainties are reduced to the minimum level. Much is a danger in disclosing information. Timeliness of releasing information give is an important factor in openness. Otherwise, information that are released too early may lose its importance. The balance of openness and closeness can make a healthy relationship of wonder and reduced apprehension.
In a relationship there is need to connect and also to separate. The wife wanted to have time with her prayer group. She is giving space towards her relationship with her husband by being with others. The husband on the other hand wanted to spend time with her wife. He wanted to dine and talk to her. The conflict starts because both have different and contrasting wants. The wife might have deserted the desire of her husband to have time for each other. The husband might have also done the same when he demanded that his wife must stay home to be with him. Both the husband and the wife must know that they both have responsibilities as a couple and as individuals. Too much self-disclosure made the husband demand to make her wife stay at home. He thought it would help stop the argument. However, this kind of response is unhealthy for their relationship.
The attention of a man is diverted to enforce being right and forgets to be affectionate when he seemed to be challenged. He becomes harsh and his sound is loud. Men rarely say “I’m sorry”, saying sorry means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing. Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman’s feelings and she responds to him disapproving. The most common way a woman unknowingly starts arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings. Men are most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset the woman they love

Gray, J.,Ph.D. listed on his book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus the ways to cover up real feelings¸ the process is generally unconscious.

How men hide their pain this process is generally unconscious

How men hide their pain this process is generally unconscious

1. Men may use anger as a way of avoiding the painful feelings of sadness, hurt, sorrow, guild and fear.
2. Men may use indifference and discouragement as a way of avoiding the painful feelings of anger.
3. Men may use feeling offended as a way of avoiding feeling hurt.
4. Men may use anger and righteousness as a way to avoid feeling afraid or uncertain.
5. Men may feel ashamed to avid anger and grieving.

The secret reasons men are arguing what he needs not to argue

1) “I don’t like it when she gets upset over the smallest things I do or don’t do. I feel criticized. Rejected and unaccepted.”
1) He needs to feel accepted just they way he is. Instead he feels she is trying to improve him.


2) “I don’t like it when she started telling how I should do things. I don’t feel admired. Instead I feel like I am being treated like a child.”
2) He needs to feel admired. Instead he feels put down.


3) “I don’t like it when she blames me for her unhappiness. I don’t feel encouraged to be her knight in shining armor.”
3) He needs to feel encouraged, instead he feels like giving up.


4) “I don’t like it when she complaints about how much she does or how unappreciated she feels. It makes me feel unappreciated for the things I do for her.”
4) He needs to feel appreciated. Instead he feels blamed, unacknowledged, and powerless.

5) “I don’t like it when she worries about everything that could go wrong. I don’t feel trusted.
5) He needs to feel trusted and appreciated for his contribution to her security. Instead he feels responsible for her anxiety.

6) “I don’t like it when she expects me to do things or talk when she want me to. I don’t feel accepted or respected.”
6) He needs to feel accepted just the way he is. Instead he feels controlled or pressured to talk and thus has nothing to say. It makes me feel that he can never satisfy her.

7) “I don’t like it when she feels hurt by what I say. I feel mistrusted, misunderstood, and pushed away.”
7) He needs to feel accepted and trusted. Instead he feels rejected and unforgotten.

8) “I don’t like it when she expects me to read her mind. I can’t. It makes me feel bad or inadequate.
8) He needs to feel approved of and accepted. Instead he feels like a failure.

How women hide their pain this process is generally unconscious

1. Women may use concern and worry as away of avoiding the painful feelings of anger, guilt, fear, and disappointment.
2. Women may fall into confusion as away of avoiding anger, irritation and frustration.
3. Women may use feeling bad as a way of avoiding embarrassment, anger, sadness, and regret.
4. Women may use fear and uncertainty as away of avoiding anger, hurt, and sadness.
5. Women may use grieving to avoid feeling, anger, and afraid.

The woman can start and can escalate conflict. She first presents ill feelings, negative attitudes about their partner’s actions and then by giving unsolicited advice. She exhibits mistrust and unknowingly how her mistrust has hurt him.
Gray, J.,Ph.D. listed on the same book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus the implicatures of the statements in both men and women when arguing.



The secret reasons why women argue what she needs not to argue

1. “I don’t like it when he minimizes the importance of my feelings or requests. I feel dismissed and unimportant.”
1. She needs to feel validated and cherished. Instead she feels judged and ignored.


2. “I don’t like it when he forgets to do the things I ask, and then I sound like a nag. I feel like I am begging for his support.”
2. She needs to feel respected and remembered. Instead she feels neglected and at the bottom of his list of priorities.

3. “I don’t feel like it when he blames me for being upset. I feel like I have to be perfect to be loved. I am not perfect.
3. She needs him to understand why she’s is still loved and that she doesn’t have to be perfect. Instead she feels unsafe to be herself.

4. “I don’t like it when he raises his voice or starts making lists of why he is right. It makes me feel like I am wrong and he doesn’t care about my point of view.”
4. She needs to feel understood and respected. Instead she feels unheard, bullied, and pushed down.


5. “I didn’t like his codescending attitude when I ask questions about decisions we need to make. It makes me feel like I am a burden or that I am wasting his time.”
5. She needs to feel that he cares about her feelings and resects her need to gather information. Instead she feels disrespected and unappreciated.


When there are conflicts, there must also be ways for good interpersonal communication (Basilio, 2006). This helps to clarify the importance of interpersonal communication just as the idea of Baxter and Montgomery on Relational dialectics.

Communication with its five areas to focus:

a. Listening. Good listening takes concentration, patience, sensitivity, and freedom from wondering of what each other is thinking.

b. Speaking. Double meaning should be avoided in talking. No is perfectly negative and yes is as perfectly positive, as well. Avoid generalized accusation as in the use of the word ALWAYS or verbal manipulation with term FEEL LIKE. False assumption that the message is understood must never be taken for granted. The idea must be stressed to convey the real meaning. But never to nag.

c. Encouraging. The partner will respond positively when affirmation, appreciation, encouragement are given and done honestly.

d. Confronting. Tact is essential in love. When wrong attitudes are very clear and evident, the more a secure relationship is needed. Accountability must be coupled of being prepared to be confronted.

Above all these theories of communication and differences, it is subjective on how each partner should be able to interrelate oneself to the other. Pointing out the differences is not to excuse the husband and the wife, but to free the partners of taking their respective reactions negatively. With the absence of this knowledge of the differences, even with the best motives and intentions we can worsen the situation.

Mindful to each other’s differences, one should never judge the other as less than oneself. There should always be the desire to connect. It is through understanding on how to mend and reach out the other that makes communication an essential factor in interpersonal relationship. To be discreet and proper, choice of words must be a habit and not just that it happens.

Works Cited

Asborn, S & Moley M.T. Improving Communication. Boston, MA: Houghton, Mufflin c1999.

Booth, David, B. Cameron, Pat Lashman. Talk, Look and Listen. Toronto: Globe/Modern Curriculum Press, c1986.

Burgon, Michael. Communication Yearbook 6. New York: Sage Pub., c1982

Craig, R.J. Social Approaches to Communication ed by Wendy Leeds-Humity: New York: Guiford Press, c1995.

Flotz, Roy G. Management by Communication. Pennsylvania: Chilton Book Co., c1973.

Gray, John. Men, and Relationships: Making Peace with the Opposite Sex, Hillsborg, Or: Beyond Words. Pub, c1990

Gray, John., Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, a Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships. 1st ed., New York, N4: Hayer Collins, c1992.

Griffin.E. A First Look at Communication Theory . Mc Graw-Hill Companies, Inc., NY c2006

Pace, R. W, Peterson B.D, & Radcliffe T.R,. Comp: Communicating Interpersonally: a Reader. Columbus, Ohio: Merril, c1973.

Robin, C.L. Equal Partners – Good Friends; Empowering Couples Through Therapy. London; New York. Reutledge, c1996.

Shames G.H & Wilg E.H., Human Communication Disorders: An Introduction ed. 2nd ed. Columbus: CE Merril Pub, Co., c1986.

Tubbs, S.L. & Moss, S., Human Communication 6th ed. New York: Mc Grawhill, c1991

Watt, J.H. & Vanlear C. A. Dynamic Patterns in Communication Processes. Thousand Oaks, Calif.: Sage Publication, c1996.
Webster, Frank. Theories of the Information Society. London and New York: Routledge, c1995


Newpaper Clippings:

Torrento, J.M “Communication: “Breath of Life” to Marriage”.. The Mindanao Daily Mirror. Friday, April 26, 2002

Basilio, A.T F. “Ingredients for Good Relationships”. The Mindanao Daily Mirror. Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Internet

Genderlect Style. Changing minds org. c2002-2007. March 24, 2008



Interpersonal Communication. Herington. Ethnology. March 24 2008




Relational Dialectics. Tony Cooke. Ohio Edu. March 25, 2008

MY RESEARCH PROPOSAL

TOPIC:

Televison Violence, and It's Effects

INTRODUCTION:

Television has been a medium for communication over the years. It has a visual presentation of moving images that attract viewers. Information and awareness are broadcasted on television. A televison set can be found almost in all places where people are gathering; at home, fastfood chains, offices, and at public vehicles terminals.

Television has changed the lifestyle of people. It dictates what is in and what is not. It shows the hottest trend, the most fresh news, the newest innovation, and the lastest icons. There is nothing impossible in television shows. A person could fly to save someone, one person could defend oneself among a hundred goons, one jumps of the tall building without being dead, and even one have powers to control the other.

Will all these, television can be detrimental to society. It may bring tremendous effects to everyone, especially children and teenagers.

OBJECTIVES:

This study aims to:

• know the different forms of violence on television
• know the effects of the violence on television to one's self
• find ways to decrease the influence of TV violence to viewers

JUSTIFICATION:

Although television showsa could provide new learning to pwoplw, it still brings violence that could greatly affect a person's personality. Children nowadays grew viewing TV often. THere is a great possibility that what one sees on TV could be applied to one's life. It would be good if it could only bring positive effects. However, it is frustrating that it causes negative outcomes.

This study sees TV violence as very destructive to one's personality. It will show TV violence bring up negative effects to the viewers. One may be aware to avoid too much exposure to TV shows because it is harmful to one's mind. This study could possibly help in having a less aggressive behavior to promote a peaceful life with others.

SOURCES OF REFERENCES:

• Feldman, Robert. Essentials of Understanding Psychology. United States of America: McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc, 2000

• Griffin Em. A First Look Into Communication. 2006

• Teen Violence. Zur Institute. Innovative Resources and Continuing Education

<http://www.zurinstitute.com/teenviolence.html>

• Children and TV Violence. Facts for Families. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

<http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+and+TV+Violence&section=Facts+for+Families>

peripheral route or central route

Watching TV had been my past time every weekends. I enjoy watching different shows. Sometimes, I keep track on the advertisements. There are advertisements that amazed me and convinced me to try the product. However, there are still those ads that led me to second thoughts.

The VCO liquid powder commercial by Lea Salonga is my example for the central route. It is true that talcum powder isn't really good for the babies. Talcum could cause allergies to the baby. and would somehow affect the baby's lungs. That is why it is really better to apply the virgin coconut oil liquid powder to the baby. Lea Salonga's testimonial was true. It has scientific explanation that convinced me.


Hair conditioner commercials really give me doubts. One could never really achieve a great straight black shiny hair by just the conditioner. The creamsilk commercial is absolutely exaggerated. I don't think that you could jump off the gate with very sharp barb wires and then you landed without getting any strand of your hair stuck. If a conditioner could create that kind of silky smooth wonderful hair, then what's the use of salon and hair dressers? It is really hyperbolic. I think that commercial is an example of a peripheral route. It wasn't really realistic that is why it is not convincing.

How could you communicate with your family?

Dear Narrator,

How's schooling?

Anyway, I could feel that you are having trouble with your relationship to your family. You are having difficulty in understanding each one of them. You also feel that they could not understand you. I could relate myself to you.

There are times that we think that the world is against us. Especially our family. We think that they are our worst enemies. They just can't simply understand us. But actually, the truth is that the problem is not them, it is our own self. If only you would take time to listen to them and not just hear them, you will realize that they are not torturing you, but rather they are helping you.

Mothers always know what is best for their children. You are blessed to still have your mother who is "mothering" you. She just really cares. You are irritated because you feel like she still treats you like your still ten. Her treatment to you as her child never changed, but it is you who changed the way you are treating her. You must know that she misses you because you have been away for so long. Try appreciating her.

Your father is more bothered on YOU being the smoker than the second hand smoke that reaches him. He knows that smoking could kill you. He has given you the freedom to do whatever you like but that doesn't really mean he won't care anymore.

You feel like you are also too far from your sister. You don't even know what she has been up to. You might have not talked to her. She had already lived without your existence. Why can't you try making her feel that she do have you as her brother.

Communication is important in relationships. I could say that you really have a great gap between your family. You have made a big space that keeps you far from them. I think talking to them would allow you to move closer. Your anger would just worsen the situation. Spend some time with your mom, dad, and sister. If you love them, show it, say it. You are a student of communication, I know you can do it.

Take care.

-Rica

Cha... Cha... Cha

Dear Shelley,

I understand why you have been keeping a diary. Like most of us, writing privately is our outlet for the feelings we could never share to others. our privacy means so much to us. Jim has been hooking up with you for six months now, I know you are already close to him. He is curious on what you write on your diary. He might thought that you have also secrets from him. I also know that you can't always tell everything to him, because there are just words that can be left unspoken.

I think you would just let Jim understand your purpose why you are keeping your diary to yourself. If he really loves you, then he would surely accept your reasons. We must keep something to ourselves, we must reserve some for our own self. However, just also make sure that you will not be too deceptive to Jim. He might feel uncomfortable with it. Make him feel secured and that you trust him.

I don't know what you write on your diary but I guess I know why you have one. The relationship you have with your diary must not affect your relationship with Jim. I suggest that you keep your diary only to yourself. But if you feel like the closeness you have with Jim is enough for him to read your diary, then try doing so. You may continue to have your privacy from Jim or unfold it and open it up with him.

I think Jim would respect your decision. He would understand. I wish you all the happiness. Good luck.

-Reeka

An angel by name, by face, by love....

Losing my niece was painful. But missing her multiplies the pain. She is my first niece. The very little baby that I look forward to enjoy partying with when she grows. I had many wishes and dreams for her.

I could not really describe the feeling I felt deep inside when I hugged and kissed her at the emergency room. She was declared dead at around 6pm last January 6, 2008. She was already cold vey she looked like she was just sleeping.

I knew she's gone but she will live on forever. It is ironic, isn't it? The love that we have for her will make her live forever. I still long to hug her and play with her. Whenever I feel missing her, I just send to the heavens my love for her.

She is an angel. Enrica Angela Suzanne. She have just stayed for awhile, a vey little while. She struggled for life, to survive for 8months. She was a prematured baby. She had inborne sicknesses, a weak heart but she's full of love. When her heart stopped beating, our love beat for her.

She stayed for eight months but taught great lessons for me and for everyone else. She brought my family closer. She gave priceless smiles to us that whenever I picture her, I see her smiling.

She showed love, gave love, shared love. She is love. She is an angel. A little great ANGEL indeed.

I will miss her. I really do. But this will pass. And I know she's now happy. That is why I also have to. What I have to do now is to be the baby of the family, again. This was the task I passed on to her, and she still has it , I just have to work for it for her.

She left, she is now in heaven. But she lives on. In our hearts. With wonderful memories.